Hello everyone! It's 10:35 am here and I'm drinking a mini bottle of sutter home chardonnay. I might have a mini merlot next. I don't know what it is about miniature things but I'm so attracted to them ;) & no I'm not an alcoholic just in case you were wondering :P I just firmly believe in the power of wine as a mood enhancer, haha. Anyway, I just wanted to pop in an explain a little more about why I took a little break and the future of this blog. I told you guys that I had to deal with "real life" stuff and that was 100% true but I lied by omission too. There was a point where I wanted to give up the blog & I want you guys to know why...
First, I started this blog about 3 years ago...I had no real intentions or plans...I just wanted a place to post about me and the things I like. As time passed I got into the whole kawaii thing and the indie biz thing and the focus started shifting towards that and I had lots of success and fun along the way. But somewhere a long the way, this blog stopped being fun for me. It stopped being a reflection of me. It started being a chore & I had to ask myself why??
Now the things I'm about to say might offend, but I really don't care. (I think the minute you start caring about offending people in your own blog, you've already lost yourself.) I will no longer censor myself because what do I have to lose really? Anyone who truly knows me or truly reads this blog with an open mind will understand that I'm not being mean or hateful. I am trying to figure things out and this is part of the thought process...
When I sat down and really looked over my years of becoming a "slightly-semi-successful" blogger, I realized that I am such a follower (no pun intended lol). WHEW, there I said it! I started out being me and slowly let what other people are saying & doing influence me. (& it's really HARD not to.) If you see person A doing things a certain way and getting a lot of positive feedback and/or sales from doing certain things, of course you're going to try to do the same so that people are interested YOU. I feel this is human nature because all of our lives we're groomed (conditioned) to look at successful people and emulate instead of being OURSELVES. But what I think we don't realize is that sometimes, people are not interested in YOU. They're interested in the representative. You know...the image of yourself you project to attract attention/praise/validation. Well I'm tired of letting the representative speak for me and I'm tired of seeing the representative in other people's blogs.
I had to really admit to myself that certain parts of blogging and being successful at it is a GAME & I'm not so sure if I want to play that game anymore...I don't want to follow the "rules" anymore. I mean look at the blogosphere. Look at the blogs you are "in to"...Look at the "popular" indie handmade crafty hipster blogs/bloggers. For each one that started off pretty innovative and fresh, you have a flock of blogs that take that innovation and run it into the ground. The lines of creativity are so blurred at this point that I can't tell what's what anymore. The originality is slowly fading & I found myself bored with my blog and other people's blogs. A lot of my blog & the blogosphere in general is so formulaic at this point. Post this topic on Mondays, have a super awesome giveaway, have a three column format, mention the "popular people/trend/etc" and get lots of hits/comments, blog buttons, have sponsors, etc. (& I'm soooo not judging because I've done some of that for the sake of "blog growth" too) I guess I'm just getting sick of it. When does it end? I have NEVER been one to keep up with the Jonses but in the blog world, I find myself compelled to. Why is that? It's an odd phenomenon! But I'm tired of caring about it and acting like I don't! I don't want to have to care about removing a blog button and someone getting offended. I don't want to have to care about un-following someone and hurting their feelings. I don't want to have to care about HATING facebook/twitter and offending those of you who love it. I don't want to have to care about stating my opinion and having someone get mad at me about it...I just don't want to have to give a shit about other people's ego to be 100% real about it.
(by the way I've moved on to the mini merlot now so I'm kinda buzzed and feeling free at this point LOL!)
I know some people will be like "why so serious Melly? it's just a blog it's not real life!" and I have to say because I take blogging seriously. For me this IS real life. I would love to be a full-time blogger and Blythe customizer. I would LOVE for that to be my reality. It's my DREAM but I realize that I can't get there if I'm not true to myself. I was trying to get there by playing by the "rules" but I have to say FUCK THE RULES. In my "real life" I try to always be contrary. I always try to walk a different path so why should that be different here? I want my friends and followers to like me for ME and if I'm not projecting a true image of me, what's the point?
There have also been some really crazy things happening with people I considered friends in the blogosphere...people I actually would have loved to meet and get to know in real life. I've had my ideas and concepts blatantly ripped off by them, I've had people I've helped out basically tell me I'm not "good enough with their actions, I've had people straight up ignore my requests for help when I've helped them out numerous times & I've seen people I thought were so genuine/caring be mean and nasty for the sake of blog attention/hits. I've always wanted to get into psychology and understand human behavior but I can say I've really got a lesson being a part of the blog world...But I guess it speaks to my own issues though and I don't blame them or hate them for it. I just don't "get" them. I will admit I get attached to people. Maybe it's because I come from a broken home, maybe it's because I am serious when I say I love you guys! Each and every one of you who has taken the time to get to know me on a deeper level or helped me out in anyway, I appreciate you! I don't look at you as words on a screen...I try to humanize the blogging world and maybe that's my fault. I've spoken on it before but I think we as a society are SO dehumanized by the rapid-fire technology we're being exposed to. We would rather deal with machines/gadgets than each other and it's kind of sad IMO. BUT I also know that this is our world and to some degree you have to be apart of it. Thus I am...but I'm ready to do it my way...
So I said all of that to say you can look forward to a multitude of changes around here within the next few months. The main one being another name change HAHA! Cute Stew will be known as simply "Stew" pretty soon. I won't change my url since I've already done it once but I'm tired of feeling pigeon-holed by the name. There is so much more to this blog than kawaii (and don't get me wrong cause I LOVE kawaii and always will) and I think the name kind conflicts with the content at certain times. I think Stew sums it up perfectly. I want this blog to be a mixture of everything and anything that I love.
I hope that you guys got something out of this gigantic ramble...& I hope you look forward to the revolution ;)