Saturday, October 30, 2010

*tap tap* is this thing on?

Hello everyone! It's 10:35 am here and I'm drinking a mini bottle of sutter home chardonnay. I might have a mini merlot next. I don't know what it is about miniature things but I'm so attracted to them ;) & no I'm not an alcoholic just in case you were wondering :P I just firmly believe in the power of wine as a mood enhancer, haha. Anyway, I just wanted to pop in an explain a little more about why I took a little break and the future of this blog. I told you guys that I had to deal with "real life" stuff and that was 100% true but I lied by omission too. There was a point where I wanted to give up the blog & I want you guys to know why...

First, I started this blog about 3 years ago...I had no real intentions or plans...I just wanted a place to post about me and the things I like. As time passed I got into the whole kawaii thing and the indie biz thing and the focus started shifting towards that and I had lots of success and fun along the way. But somewhere a long the way, this blog stopped being fun for me. It stopped being a reflection of me. It started being a chore & I had to ask myself why??

Now the things I'm about to say might offend, but I really don't care. (I think the minute you start caring about offending people in your own blog, you've already lost yourself.) I will no longer censor myself because what do I have to lose really? Anyone who truly knows me or truly reads this blog with an open mind will understand that I'm not being mean or hateful. I am trying to figure things out and this is part of the thought process...

When I sat down and really looked over my years of becoming a "slightly-semi-successful" blogger, I realized that I am such a follower (no pun intended lol). WHEW, there I said it! I started out being me and slowly let what other people are saying & doing influence me. (& it's really HARD not to.) If you see person A doing things a certain way and getting a lot of positive feedback and/or sales from doing certain things, of course you're going to try to do the same so that people are interested YOU. I feel this is human nature because all of our lives we're groomed (conditioned) to look at successful people and emulate instead of being OURSELVES. But what I think we don't realize is that sometimes, people are not interested in YOU. They're interested in the representative. You know...the image of yourself you project to attract attention/praise/validation. Well I'm tired of letting the representative speak for me and I'm tired of seeing the representative in other people's blogs.

I had to really admit to myself that certain parts of blogging and being successful at it is a GAME & I'm not so sure if I want to play that game anymore...I don't want to follow the "rules" anymore. I mean look at the blogosphere. Look at the blogs you are "in to"...Look at the "popular" indie handmade crafty hipster blogs/bloggers. For each one that started off pretty innovative and fresh, you have a flock of blogs that take that innovation and run it into the ground. The lines of creativity are so blurred at this point that I can't tell what's what anymore. The originality is slowly fading & I found myself bored with my blog and other people's blogs. A lot of my blog & the blogosphere in general is so formulaic at this point. Post this topic on Mondays, have a super awesome giveaway, have a three column format, mention the "popular people/trend/etc" and get lots of hits/comments, blog buttons, have sponsors, etc. (& I'm soooo not judging because I've done some of that for the sake of "blog growth" too) I guess I'm just getting sick of it. When does it end? I have NEVER been one to keep up with the Jonses but in the blog world, I find myself compelled to. Why is that? It's an odd phenomenon! But I'm tired of caring about it and acting like I don't! I don't want to have to care about removing a blog button and someone getting offended. I don't want to have to care about un-following someone and hurting their feelings. I don't want to have to care about HATING facebook/twitter and offending those of you who love it. I don't want to have to care about stating my opinion and having someone get mad at me about it...I just don't want to have to give a shit about other people's ego to be 100% real about it.

(by the way I've moved on to the mini merlot now so I'm kinda buzzed and feeling free at this point LOL!)

I know some people will be like "why so serious Melly? it's just a blog it's not real life!" and I have to say because I take blogging seriously. For me this IS real life. I would love to be a full-time blogger and Blythe customizer. I would LOVE for that to be my reality. It's my DREAM but I realize that I can't get there if I'm not true to myself. I was trying to get there by playing by the "rules" but I have to say FUCK THE RULES. In my "real life" I try to always be contrary. I always try to walk a different path so why should that be different here? I want my friends and followers to like me for ME and if I'm not projecting a true image of me, what's the point?

There have also been some really crazy things happening with people I considered friends in the blogosphere...people I actually would have loved to meet and get to know in real life. I've had my ideas and concepts blatantly ripped off by them, I've had people I've helped out basically tell me I'm not "good enough with their actions, I've had people straight up ignore my requests for help when I've helped them out numerous times & I've seen people I thought were so genuine/caring be mean and nasty for the sake of blog attention/hits. I've always wanted to get into psychology and understand human behavior but I can say I've really got a lesson being a part of the blog world...But I guess it speaks to my own issues though and I don't blame them or hate them for it. I just don't "get" them. I will admit I get attached to people. Maybe it's because I come from a broken home, maybe it's because I am serious when I say I love you guys! Each and every one of you who has taken the time to get to know me on a deeper level or helped me out in anyway, I appreciate you! I don't look at you as words on a screen...I try to humanize the blogging world and maybe that's my fault. I've spoken on it before but I think we as a society are SO dehumanized by the rapid-fire technology we're being exposed to. We would rather deal with machines/gadgets than each other and it's kind of sad IMO. BUT I also know that this is our world and to some degree you have to be apart of it. Thus I am...but I'm ready to do it my way...

So I said all of that to say you can look forward to a multitude of changes around here within the next few months. The main one being another name change HAHA! Cute Stew will be known as simply "Stew" pretty soon. I won't change my url since I've already done it once but I'm tired of feeling pigeon-holed by the name. There is so much more to this blog than kawaii (and don't get me wrong cause I LOVE kawaii and always will) and I think the name kind conflicts with the content at certain times. I think Stew sums it up perfectly. I want this blog to be a mixture of everything and anything that I love.

I hope that you guys got something out of this gigantic ramble...& I hope you look forward to the revolution ;)

19 lovely readers said...:

With Love, Jamie said...

Melly, I adore you!!
THANK YOU for being so real & say ing what i'm sure alot of people are thinking/feeling as well!
I am so happy that you are taking steps to get your blog back to "you". I can't wait to see the wonderfulness that is YOU coming out in your blog from now on!!
I feel you too, on the whole image thing. I struggle with it too. My blog may be a little bit of this & a little bit of that, I can't stay on just one topic with my blog...but if i can look back on it at the end of the day & say it's all REALLY me...then i'm happy! :)
I'm happy for you! Stay true to yourself! You are lovely!
xo, Jamie

Gwen said...

First, I am glad you're back!

You're one of the few bloggers I look forward to seeing new posts from.
I love everything about your blog and will probably love all the changes.

Second, I agree with what you're saying. I am currently on a hiatus from blogging trying to figure everything out. I used to blog about my life but now I am blogging like everyone else and its not so fun anymore. :/
But reading your post has inspired me to go over to mine today and talk about similar feelings and make some well needed changes, thank you!

I cant wait to see your changes and I will still read all you have to say.
And I cant wait to meet you one day :D

Courtney said...

Miss Melly! First I am so happy that you are back. I always love reading your blog posts.

I'm pretty much on board with you. When I first started my blog a few years ago it was so different to what it is now. I didn't know my blog self then and luckily I deleted and started again (under the exact same blog of course) and now I think that I try to post things solely about my interest. It's important to keep an honest blog (imo at least) and I love that you take it seriously (because I do too!)

I'm so into your blog and your goal (even though I'm totally not into the whole Blyth thing). You are so amazingly talented at it and I find myself looking through your Flickr set just to see your work and the colors. I *heart* you and can't wait to see the direction everything is going.

kiddo said...

I just started reading your blog a few weeks ago, so I've don't know that much about you other than you just made my awesome list with this post. I'm in no way a successful blogger, but lately I've definitely done things to try and conform to the blogosphere to try and become one and it's just not me. Thanks for being real and causing me to look at my own behavior. x

Melly Kay said...

Jamie - You KNOW I adore you too! You're so sweet and genuine and I love that about you! *big hugs* I really love your blog and I wish you all the best ;)

Gwen - I LOVE you! & I'm not just saying that. Whenever I come across another black, female blogger that is going against "our" grain, I always stop and take note. I feel like you have SO much to offer and I will be there to read/see it. DO YOU and I promise you'll be rewarded for it ;)

Courtney - What can I say about you? haha you are so unique and at times I find myself wondering "who IS this girl?" You're so different & aren't afraid to say it like it is and I admire that. I love that there is a darker tone to your blog and your personality & I love that you don't hide it. I have an extremely dark side that I tend to hide away from my blog but I hope to reveal it because it's's ME..and there's nothing wrong with it. Darkness and light are compatible...many people see them as opposites but I see them as friends. You can't have one without the other. So thank you for being you with no regrets ;) Also, when you say you arent into the whole Blythe thing, at first I was like upset about it but then I was like props to her for being REAL. alot of readers probably think blythe is hella creepy but would never say that. I love you for saying that and admitting that you're not into it but can appreciate the art form...I think we all get away from being REAL to "people please" (including myself) and you have helped me realize that it's OK to let people know how you feel!

Oh & I realize this may make NO sense but I'm drunk as a mother right now so I'm lucky to be typing straight haha. This whole being me thing RULES right now LOL!

Melly Kay said...

kiddo -- one thing I can tell you is that getting sucked into the blogosphere will cause nothing but regret. the veil is not real...for sure! you're much better off doing what you want! ;)

Alycia (The Curious Pug) said...

i'm glad to see that you will be making changes to make yourself happy, melly. i'm also going to make some changes to my blog. i know what you mean about blogging feeling like a chore. i sometimes feel like my weekly posts are a chore (granted, i've been blogging for only a year, but with the same "schedule" so i think i'm due for a change! i did like doing them at first though) but those weekly posts also kept me continuously blogging. i've tried blogging in the past, but without a schedule i'd eventually abandon the entire blog and then feel like a dork for even trying.

but i always enjoy reading your posts and i look forward to seeing your changes :)


Anonymous said...

be true to yourself, definitely a nice sentiment :)
I'm sure your blog will only improve from it!

all the best!

Jannalicious said...

Girl, I'm with you!!! :) I love how your so honest. When you became one of my 8 followers, I felt really special, because its the blog equivalent of saying, I'll be your friend. I'm your friend. I truly mean it! If you are ever in Mid-Michigan, you best be making your way to my house. Take Care..and I would've missed you if you left...A LOT! Hearts, Janna Lynn

Chelle said...

Melly I'm so glad you didn't give up on your blog. I spent a week reading through your whole blog and I felt I got to know you some through it and you made me realize that I need to be more myself in my blog and not worry about the readers. My true friends and readers will stick around and those who don't I didn't want reading my blog anyway. I have tried so many different things with my blog that others were doing and it just wasn't me, so now I'm trying to get back to me again and not stray from it to be more "likable", it's just not me. I look forward to your changes and I am glad you are back to blogging. I was beginning to have withdrawals from reading your posts. :-)

amylou said...

Way to go girl! I haven't been a follower long, but I've been enjoying your blog. I've been working hard to stay true to me in this crazy blogosphere. It's not always easy,but it is so important. Can't wait to see the new blog!

amy lapi said...

i can't wait :)

i love this blog even more already. i'm so excited to get to know the real person underneath <3

Jenn said...

You are amazing.
You are not afraid to say what needs to be said, and do what you need to do to make this blog YOURS. I have not even been a little bit offended by what you are doing and saying on your blog, because hey, if it bothers me, I can just not read it, or whatever. I don't even update mine every week, just whenever I go "hey, I think I'll do that."
You are an amazing, inspiring woman and I love reading your thoughts and seeing what you are up to on here. :)

brittni said...

Melly, You should always be yourself! Don't feel stressed/like you have to be the cool "typical blogger" .. guess what? I TOTALLY agree with you. When people started determining what they wrote every day of the week (with the exception of DIY or etsy related posts) I lost interest in their blogs. I want to know about YOU .. that's why I'm following your blog. I mean, we all have to keep some of our lives off of our blogs, but seriously. I don't want to just hear about your play list this week and what flavor cupcake you bought & nothing of substance. GOOD FOR YOU! Come back.. I <3 your blog. and yayy for mini wine bottles! Lol

Dlsarmywife said...

Good for you Melly! I found your blog back when miniatures were your big thing, and although Blythes aren't my thing I LOVE seeing each of your girls (and those that you customize) come to life!
I look forward to continueing to follow your blog with whatever direction you choose to go! =D

Kim said...

You know- I can relate to this post. I used to have a livejournal account, and because no one really read it except my brother, I didn't care what I wrote. Now I'm almost to the point that blogging is a chore because I feel like I have to have pictures and I have to have something interesting to talk about and- god forbid- when I do talk about real life, I feel like I shouldn't have the moment I hit publish. Like my blog readers will be disappointed in hearing me complain or not agree with my opinion. I think you are brave and strong- I think that I could learn something from you here Melly Kay. No matter what you write, no matter how many name changes- I would always come here and read your blog because you are sweet- you are funny and you are amazing. I'm glad you are going to keep blogging- I would miss you lots :)

carlyholgate said...

One of the reasons I read your blog is because you are different and I really feel that you are truly genuine. A lot of bloggers try to be real and it comes off so cheesy and fake, but I have never felt that fakeness from your blog. I am excited to see what changes are in store and will continue to read and support you!

Courtney said...

I swear I must have read this post about four or five times these last few days! You are just so awesome!
Seriously. I think I'm going to post about it and perhaps link to it if it is ok with you.

♥SillyMermaid♥™ said...

Just started reading ur blog and I do not blog myself but enjoy reading other people's blogs. U r really unique and talented and I will continue to support u no matter what route u decide to go!